Cure for Unrequited Love

After yesterday’s conversation, you must know that this was written for you and you alone. But it turned out well, so now I’ve had to replace your name at every place. The solemn purpose of this blog is to help others like you too.

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Humans are taught about love right from their childhood (I missed it somehow, hence I am here, writing this now). You were no different. But our teachers of this subject were not professionals. Quite a lot of times, the small small nuances of the topic were ignored or outright deleted and that has lead to the birth of an agony called as Unrequited Love.

Unrequited Love is where only one sided love prevails. It has existed since the dawn of humanity. It brings sorrow accompanied by despair (which was quite evident when I saw you). It takes away the wind out of your sails. You begin to feel that happiness can return in your life but only with that elusive being. You attach all your joys and happy emotions to that person and in that being’ s absense, you feel bereft. In short you become imprisoned within yourself.

Now with the problem staring right in our faces, let’s ponder over the possible solutions. Yes, there are atleast two solutions for sure (you are free to enlighten me with more). The solutions are also tricky- so easy to understand, yet so difficult to implement.

1. Gather courage and speak your heart out

Actually, dear friend, from what you spoke, I realised that you never mentioned your feelings to the other person. Try telling them and maybe, just maybe, the probable significant half might agree because they might be undergoing the same feelings.

At times, for instance, I, myself don’t speak my heart out even in front of my own parents. So I can safely presume that this might so often than not be all the more prevalent between two less familiar people. Logical isn’t it?!

2. Cure for unrequited love

The usual route taken by most counsellors will be to make you forget your infatuations and the easiest way according to them is to forget your beloved and employ the resultant excess thinking capacity for some greater good (What good, trust me- even they don’t know). But I beg to differ here. The cure for love doesn’t lie in thinking less about the other. It also doesn’t lie in indulging in happy thoughts at the periphery while actually being a barren land internally.

The ultimate and long term cure doesn’t lie in ceasing to think of the fugitive lover. It lies in learning and ultimately realising what the other person might really be.

From afar, each individual seems to be alike. Happy, cheerful, generous, kind and what not. But if we do a close up study, every human being is so much more different. We realise that every person has traces in varying quantities of temper, coldness, deceit, aloofness, vanity, over-emotions, sentimentality, chaos and a thousand other words (you get the feel right?!) And the only thing that stops us from bearing this in mind, when we think about the elusive being is our lack of knowledge about the other being’s shortcomings. Just from a few peripheral details, we assume that the other person is charming and vivacious and so badly want to believe that they might have somehow miraculously managed to escape the fundamental axiom of human condition.

Sadly, they haven’t. You are the one, who wants to act ignorant. You are the one, who actually doesn’t know them properly. Infact, this is the only difference between Love and Unrequited Love. In love, you get to know the subtleties of the other person whereas in unrequited love, you dream about the qualities of the other person, and I have never met a person, who wishes to dream nightmares- the point being, you will only dream good things about them, reality notwithstanding.

It is not their exuberant personality which keeps you attached, but it is the lack of understanding of their problems and issues which helps in not driving you away. It is the lack of knowledge of thier follies and flaws. So the cure is pretty simple, know them better. The more you do, the more you realise that they are not all rainbows and butterflies. They are just like the other mortal beings, who come into this world and play their part before vanishing away forever. The day you truly understand them, you realise that they are not the answers to all your questions. (Conversely, if they do, make every effort to hold on to them. I don’t want you coming after me later on :P)

See it’s pretty simple, passion and unrequited love can never withstand bare exposure to the ultimate understanding and actuality of the other person. That can only be withstood by a bond created by a shared life, i.e. Love. Take your parents for example, there is no unbound admiration there. Both of them know each other’s vices and virtues. Hence, there is pure love and nothing else.

Infact, I would like to conclude that unknowingly, I have penned down a solution which can either cure you of you passion or may being you closer to love, because once you know the other person in and out, you can sensibly make the choice of either staying away from or getting head over heels in love with them.

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Is stress required in life?  

Well, most of the readers will obviously say a big NO. I mean, why take stress and bring home all the diseases which accompany stress. Only a fool would believe stress is not bad. And mind you, such fools do exist. 

I am one among them. Personally, I believe that stress is as important in life as salt is in food. Just as food without salt is useless, so is life without stress. It is in moments of stress and pressure that the mind functions optimally. In fact, it would not be wrong to say that stress acts as a stimulus for greater efficiency. 

Take any list which contains influential people. You will not find even one person in that list, who reached where he/ she is now before undergoing a period of stress and utmost pressure. There is an old adage which goes: every carbon molecule can get converted into a diamond, but very few, which take on the pressure finally become one. 

However, just as a lot of salt can poison the entire food, similarly, a lot of stress can harm a person. One should not keep on taking stressful tasks one after the other. Stress is just a part of our life, and yet we tend to make it our life. This can have  serious implications across various dimensions of life. 

To conclude, I would like to urge the fellow readers to remove the perception that stress has a very negative connotation. We must learn to use stress to our advantage. We need to learn, how to use it to navigate through unfavourable situations and turnaround our losses into our gains. And be very sure, this is quite possible. In fact, not just possible but rather probable! 
Happy Reading !! 

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If fishes were allowed to swim…

Albert Einstein once said, ” Everybody is a genius. But if you ask a fish to climb a tree, it will lead it’s whole life believing that it is stupid.” 

And today, that fish is not just being asked to climb a tree, it is being asked to climb down again and then go for a 5 kilometre sprint too. And you might be wondering whom does the fish refer to?Sadly, that fish today is us, all of us. 

Ever since we were born, we were  expected to climb trees,i.e excel in school, excel in college, excel at work, etc. But doesn’t anyone understand that fishes aren’t meant to do that. Sure, some may be birds. But what about the rest.

Every person has different strengths, different needs, different interests, different dreams. Some are painters, some are singers, some are good with numbers, some are astounded by the cosmos. But the system in which they are, ensures that the fins of these fish are brutally clipped off and replaced by imaginary wings.

Children are trained right from their infancy to pursue careers that are remunerative. But what about the interests of that human being. Probably, the next Picasso now works at an IT back office in some obscure setting and the next Aryabhatta is wasting his time in the cockpit of a commercial airplane.

Everybody is a victim of this charade of a system that we call The Education System. It teaches us to be in line, speak when asked to, eat when allowed to and infact, express only when it wants us to. There is no respect for the spirit of humanity. Fishes are taught to climb trees but  tested by asking them to run a 100m race. This is our evaluation system. 

No regard for talent. No regard for creativity. No regard for knowledge. You are judged on the basis of how much matter you recollect of what you read on the previous day. Appalling, isn’t it. It is the death of understanding- slow but one which is certain. It needs an urgent overhaul before it is too late. 

Come now, let’s tend to the needs of the fishes. Let’s give them a system which allows them to dream. A system which helps them in getting to the path that they wish to tread on. Because, they may be 30% of the present population but they are 100% of the future. This is the world I believe in – a world where no fish is ever asked to climb a tree.

-(Inspired by a video)

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