Cure for Unrequited Love

After yesterday’s conversation, you must know that this was written for you and you alone. But it turned out well, so now I’ve had to replace your name at every place. The solemn purpose of this blog is to help others like you too.


Humans are taught about love right from their childhood (I missed it somehow, hence I am here, writing this now). You were no different. But our teachers of this subject were not professionals. Quite a lot of times, the small small nuances of the topic were ignored or outright deleted and that has lead to the birth of an agony called as Unrequited Love.

Unrequited Love is where only one sided love prevails. It has existed since the dawn of humanity. It brings sorrow accompanied by despair (which was quite evident when I saw you). It takes away the wind out of your sails. You begin to feel that happiness can return in your life but only with that elusive being. You attach all your joys and happy emotions to that person and in that being’ s absense, you feel bereft. In short you become imprisoned within yourself.

Now with the problem staring right in our faces, let’s ponder over the possible solutions. Yes, there are atleast two solutions for sure (you are free to enlighten me with more). The solutions are also tricky- so easy to understand, yet so difficult to implement.

1. Gather courage and speak your heart out

Actually, dear friend, from what you spoke, I realised that you never mentioned your feelings to the other person. Try telling them and maybe, just maybe, the probable significant half might agree because they might be undergoing the same feelings.

At times, for instance, I, myself don’t speak my heart out even in front of my own parents. So I can safely presume that this might so often than not be all the more prevalent between two less familiar people. Logical isn’t it?!

2. Cure for unrequited love

The usual route taken by most counsellors will be to make you forget your infatuations and the easiest way according to them is to forget your beloved and employ the resultant excess thinking capacity for some greater good (What good, trust me- even they don’t know). But I beg to differ here. The cure for love doesn’t lie in thinking less about the other. It also doesn’t lie in indulging in happy thoughts at the periphery while actually being a barren land internally.

The ultimate and long term cure doesn’t lie in ceasing to think of the fugitive lover. It lies in learning and ultimately realising what the other person might really be.

From afar, each individual seems to be alike. Happy, cheerful, generous, kind and what not. But if we do a close up study, every human being is so much more different. We realise that every person has traces in varying quantities of temper, coldness, deceit, aloofness, vanity, over-emotions, sentimentality, chaos and a thousand other words (you get the feel right?!) And the only thing that stops us from bearing this in mind, when we think about the elusive being is our lack of knowledge about the other being’s shortcomings. Just from a few peripheral details, we assume that the other person is charming and vivacious and so badly want to believe that they might have somehow miraculously managed to escape the fundamental axiom of human condition.

Sadly, they haven’t. You are the one, who wants to act ignorant. You are the one, who actually doesn’t know them properly. Infact, this is the only difference between Love and Unrequited Love. In love, you get to know the subtleties of the other person whereas in unrequited love, you dream about the qualities of the other person, and I have never met a person, who wishes to dream nightmares- the point being, you will only dream good things about them, reality notwithstanding.

It is not their exuberant personality which keeps you attached, but it is the lack of understanding of their problems and issues which helps in not driving you away. It is the lack of knowledge of thier follies and flaws. So the cure is pretty simple, know them better. The more you do, the more you realise that they are not all rainbows and butterflies. They are just like the other mortal beings, who come into this world and play their part before vanishing away forever. The day you truly understand them, you realise that they are not the answers to all your questions. (Conversely, if they do, make every effort to hold on to them. I don’t want you coming after me later on :P)

See it’s pretty simple, passion and unrequited love can never withstand bare exposure to the ultimate understanding and actuality of the other person. That can only be withstood by a bond created by a shared life, i.e. Love. Take your parents for example, there is no unbound admiration there. Both of them know each other’s vices and virtues. Hence, there is pure love and nothing else.

Infact, I would like to conclude that unknowingly, I have penned down a solution which can either cure you of you passion or may being you closer to love, because once you know the other person in and out, you can sensibly make the choice of either staying away from or getting head over heels in love with them.


Niceness and its Truth

We humans are depressed. We are worried. We are continuously anxious. We think too much but feel too little. But do you know what connects us all? Yes, it is kindness, it is niceness, the love for mankind. Most of us can’t rejoice in another person’s sorrow. We weren’t meant to be like that.

Yet, to come into this world and to try to become a nicer person sounds like a totally vague, deeply colourless and dispiriting goal. Yes, theoretically, we love niceness of course. Yet, in practice, there seems to be something embarrassingly anodyne and timid about the concept. A nice person definitely sounds like something- we would love to be, but only when every other strenous and more rewarding alternative has failed.

Though we may internally feel that being nice is important and fundamental to a happy living, but our society has been witness to a few ground breaking truths, which has led it to preach all its new offspring the exact antithesis of what we actually feel about niceness.

1. The Legacy of Romanticism: Nice but Boring…

For most parts of the last millennium, our thoughts have been systematically influenced by a cultural movement known as Romanticism. The followers of this movement are called Romantics and for them, the truly esteemed person is one who is energetic and creative as well as intense. Lively yet at the same time volatile, assertive and quick- someone who might choose the road less travelled and is daring to the point of being unreasonable and forceful, even rude, in the name of following the call of one’s own hearts.

The exact opposite image of this God-like figure was, for the Romantics, someone mild and respectable, regimented and monotonous, defensive and conservative, reserved and quiet, in other words- the boring person. Here, there has seemed a radical choice to be made: either fiery, unpredictable and brilliant, or meek, conventional and always in bed by nine.

2. The Legacy of Capitalism: Nice but Bankrupt…

Amongst the accusations against niceness, Capitalism added another variable into the already fragile equation- by giving a new perspective to the already botched up interpretation of the world. It presents the world as a deeply adversarial and competitive arena in which everyone was committed to wage a continuous battle in an atmosphere marked by ruthlessness, determination and impatience- to get a slice of the ever so coveted Market Share. And it is a universal truth that those who succeeded knew how to destroy the competition at hand and handle the workforce without a trace of emotion. A nice person, unwilling to squeeze wages or outwit an opponent, would end up either bankrupt or in the mailroom.

3. The Legacy of Faith: Nice but Weak…

Since time immemorial, Religion has been the single most powerful force shaping our intellectual as well as moral horizons. Take up any religion and you will see that it has peace and kindness as it’s basic tenets. Each and every religion has been profoundly committed to promoting niceness to the world. With the finest aesthetic and in the most animated ways, it has compelled us to sing praises of forgiveness, charity, tenderness and empathy.

But – unfortunately for niceness – take any major religion of the world. Hinduism, Christianity, Islam- all of these great religions have seen their fair share of bloodshed in the name of God. These three names are mentioned by the virtue of their success in the battles, which were fought under their banner. Successful people in these battles, or so the believers were told, on the whole, were very nice people – and the real nice people- those who were defeated due to their non violent stand- were not, on the whole, very successful . It seemed- applicants to the Kingdom of Heaven had a choice to make: niceness or success.

Despite all this, the naked truth is that we all like niceness very much and depend upon it even more. Infact, the more a person stays away from it, the more is its requirement for him. It is just that his true memories of niceness have been suppressed by a culture that unfairly makes him feel weak and shy for lending niceness his approval. All of the qualities we have been taught to think of as opposed to niceness are in fact highly compatible with, and at points, highly dependent upon it:

– However much we are committed to success, for long portions of our lives, we are intensely vulnerable creatures wholly at the mercy of the gentleness of others. We’re only ever able to be successful because other people, usually our parents, have given up a good share of their lives to being nice to us.

So much of what we value is, in fact, preserved by niceness and is compatible with it. We can be nice and successful, nice and exciting, and nice and wealthy. Niceness is a virtue awaiting our rediscovery and our renewed, un-conflicted appreciation.


In a few days,
College days will end;
And it made me ask,
Did it actually help me in my ascend?

And instantly my heart responded-
It gave me a gigantic list of people that I met,
Those with whom I sat, and
Who do not have a match.

Many remained just acquaintances,
A few became Friends;
The former I fare thee well,
The latter- will stay- even after college days will end.

A lot I learned from you,
A lot I gained through you company;
I now stand confidently on the world stage,
Because at the right time- you always accompanied.

Whenever I felt low,
You made me realise how hard my peers strive;
And that if I were to slow down,
The world was waiting to strike out my very life.

You also showed me,
How people can become indifferent;
How people can become cold,
Wasn’t that a part of your elaborate plan, magnificent.

Yet you were not so bad
I assume it was a part you played, and played it amazingly well;
Only to teach me the virtue of forgiveness
Because spewing hatred, now definitely ain’t me- I can tell.

You helped me climb the slope,
You taught me to excel in life’s tests;
You gifted me the power of hope,
Thankyou Dear Friends, You always brought out my best!

Bow Before Thee

This tale is of a time long gone by
That will leave something in you awry.

When civilisation was at its prime
And ancient church bells used to chime.

When High King ruled the land
And structures were erected, grand.

This Gabriel was summoned by his Lord
And asked if everything was in accord.

Thus spoke I with an ache
“O My Good Lord, forgive me a mistake

I haven’t been entirely true
For the world is not how you wanted it to brew.”

And thus concerned and wanting to see
My Lord came down for the holy inquiry.

My Lord adorned a tramp’s guise
Very subtle and surely wise.

First we arrived at the King’ s castle
From whence we were drew away without a hassle.

Then we reached the Noble’s gates
Where we were dispensed empty plates.

Further we waited at the Merchant’s door
The only sound we heard- was of his snore.

Finally we tumbled by a pauper’s abode
And saw first-hand how munificence flowed.

For the first time I saw My Lord smile
Content that not everyone in his World was hostile.

And then what I heard astonished me
My Lord told the mendicant, “No one else, but I bow before thee!”



The Tree called Life

Four score and five years ago
At one opportune moment, nary another,
Birth of a seedling-
The Gods hath witnessed with wonder.

Thus spake the King of Kings
“Lo and behold,
This here is a child
Who is to become humanity’s Gold.”

Seven years hath passeth
Since that glorious day,
The seedling is now firmly planted
With the clear intention to stay.

In company of Banyan trees
Or on old school benches,
Everyday the seedling learnt
And grew itself new branches.

Twenty years hath passeth
Since that rejoiced day,
And now the Shrub has become fascinated
By a Nightingale- and its grey.

Yet an impossible choice
It has to face,
Does it wish for the Nightingale
Or is it the moment of greatness which it is destined to embrace.

Thirty years hath passeth
Since that illustrious day,
The Tree now firmly entrenched
Braves the Storms like a child’s play.

Neither the Thunder
Nor can the Winds now wake
The countless nightingales
Who sing everyday of its great tale.

They rhyme and chirp about a Tree
That sacrificed its branches and a bird,
To stave away a ferocious Serpent
And saved an entire herd.

Many years hath passeth
Since that extra ordinary day,
The Tree well past it’s prime now
Has nothing more to wish or pray.

It just waits patiently
Knowing that time has come for its decay,
Very soon he shall be rejoined with the Nightingale
And this time for Eternity.

The Man With The Scythe

Towards the pale blue dot
He set his course,
Traversing across galaxies
He reached at last, of course.

Shocked he was
To see the blue turned into brown,
Sadly he wondered
What happened to his King’s crown?

Thus pondering what went wrong
Down he came,
Dejected he was to see the people
Play the blame game.

How fortunate His Majesty’s subjects were,
The Grim Reaper had admired,
Yet hate, despair and jealousy
Was all that they had gathered.

Looting the land
And polluting the seas,
Apocalypse was in waiting
This he could clearly see.

Gathering his paraphernalia
And his scythe,
The old man ascended
Utterly unhappy and with a sigh.

Graimcingly he looked down
Only to see a big dead hole,
Prompting him to search for a place
Where people had not lost their soul.



Take a Pause

When misery befalls and trust is shattered, when a loved one leaves you or hopes get battered- before doing anything else, hit the pause button of your life and rest for a moment.

Gather your closest friends and your family. Over food and drink and mirth, let out the ever so suppressed stories of betrayal and despair, disappointment and hurt.

Find a song that speaks to your heart and keep playing it again and again. And play it some more. Sing along, as if you were singing for all the poor crestfallen souls like yourself. Sing along, as if it would actually heal their wounded spirits.

Catch a movie with your best friend or even alone, better if the movie is illogical and flimsy. Cry when a scene demands and laugh likewise. Relive the days as you did in your teens- carefree and joyous.

And still if your spirit is not uplifted, travel. Turn those weekends into holiday trips. No destination, no watches, no mobile phones- just you and the road. The cool air kissing your face and the sun shining brightly all over you.

Find your sacred place and make your cocoon there. Clear all your emotions and empty your mind there. Let the peace get imbibed in you from there. And then emerge and fly, yet, never forget for a moment that you can always come back there.

Learn to love all your imperfections. Treat yourself as you would treat your friend. You are so eager to help your friends, help your own self with the same eagerness. Stroke your heart once in while and learn to tell yourself- ” I Love You.”