Though I prefer to stay away from crowds, but I think I love it at times to mingle in between scores of people that I don’t even know and whom I will probably never even see again. I do marvel at the beauty of solitude and peace, but at times I feel the need to pump up that adrenaline within me (#typical_teenager).
I believe that I am the most careful person I know within my family (yes, more careful than my dad too) and acquaintances. I have so much self control that I won’t ride a bike above 50kmph even on the expressway. But there are nights where I like to ride the same bike back home at the darkest hour, fast enough that everything seems to be a blur and I can never tell if that’s the speed I’m going or if it’s me.
Time and again, I maintain my control over me. I hold back my urges for so long that when I give in, by the end of the night I’m hysterically laughing in my helmet against the wind, feeling like nothing can hurt my sentient being.
I don’t know this for sure, but I think it’s the excitement, the excitement of having secrets, the excitement over the possibility of destroying myself.
Normally(more often than not), I’ll stay away from this but when I give in, it’s the best feeling in the world and a bit dangerous too.