Recently I’ve been travelling and I’ve travelled a lot across the diverse contours of this wonderful nation. I’m sure the world outside must be equally pretty and fulfilling. I saw nature at work and witnessed it’s creations first hand. I also marvelled at human creativity and skill -metal structures, stone inlays, towering chimneys. I saw it all. Rather, I imbibed all this glory within me.
The riches of the kings and the the hymns of the heroes, the grandeur of the forts and the serenity of the hills, the chaos in the streets and the tranquility at the temples, the dirt tracks while trekking on roads untravelled and the music that accompanied me during this all. Everything made me realise that there is so much more to the idea of “being” and there is so little that I am aware about.
But each time when I was busy getting spellbound by the visual treats that crossed my eyes, there was always instataneously an event occurring in the background which brought me back to the reality, brutally snapping me out of my surreal, magical experiences- reminding me of the “nothing”.
Outside the palaces and forts, I saw scores of hungry kids running after me for food and alms. The majestic hills being decimated by heavy stone crushing machines. The temple walls being desecrated by young lovers who got pleasure (which is yet unbeknownst to me) by inscribing their names on them. The townsfolk discharging their waste into the very lake which provides freshwater to their own houses.
It was a very unique feeling, this one- being spellbounded in one moment and being equally dumbfounded in the very next.
When I used to scibble about my daily experiences at night, I would often wonder about the whole cycle of life. These lens saw everything but comprehending it all was an altogether different matter- a rich man sitting in his chaffeur driven car on the same street where a homeless man and his entire family cooked and slept.
As far as philosophy is concerned, I didn’t care much. But when it started challenging my faith, it disturbed me. What must we have done or not done to deserve that, what we got? What did that homeless man do to deserve what he got? And what did the rich man do? All this made me feel sick and nauseated.
There is so much distress everywhere. People dying everyday. Sickness and disease all around. Miseries that people live with at all times- some known, most unknown. Secrets that people keep, dark secrets. Jealousy, hate and despair in every other heart. Ohh.. too much to take!
Is this Being?
Lying on my bed with such thoughts, I always turned towards the window. To find some solace, I gazed at the stars. And then, like clockwork, began the second leg of wandering- mindful wandering, as I like to call it. While a moment ago, I was bogged down by thoughts of human suffering and inequality, instantaneously all of it would disappear and soon my mind would be filled with the thoughts of the vastness of space and how trifle our problems were in that scheme of things.
Earth- just a pale blue dot as seen from Mars, might not even be visible from the nearest galaxy and then, there are billions and billions of galaxies. The reality check is pretty harsh. If there is a God, we must understand that he is pretty busy maintaining the normal order of the universe and everything that’s in it. To think that God will solve the problem of some people, on some small planet, which is not even visible from the next nearest inhabited planet is very optimistic but the correct phrase is “hoping against hope”.
That also brings me to the next question:
Are we nothing?
Are we just a ball of dirt revolving around a bigger, hotter ball of gas which in turn revolves around a more bigger and more hotter ball of gasses, which in turn is wandering aimlessly in the vast nothingness of space?
With such deep ramblings which my small brain can’t take, I sleep..with a strong belief that I’ll get more answers as I keep moving!
(To be continued when I find more answers)